Drawing Close to God When You Feel Spiritually Distant

Reflections on Chapter Twelve of The Purpose Driven Life

Chapter twelve opens with this sentence:

“You are as close to God as you choose to be.”

Whew… I had to sit with that for a second. It doesn’t guilt-trip you. It doesn’t accuse you of anything but it does locate your heart and there’s no where to hide in it. No blaming a busy season, no deferring to difficult days. Warren makes it plain: closeness with God isn’t something that simply shows up. Like any real friendship, it has to be wanted, worked at, and tended to.

This had a way of convicting me more than I expected. I realized I’d been treating closeness with God the way I treat warm weather- something to enjoy when it shows up, but don’t do much to seek it out. This chapter reminded me that the door is already open. The question is whether I’ll actually walk through it.

Honesty: The First Building Block

Warren’s first building black for friendship with God is honesty. Not the polished performance-ready kind, but the plain and personal kind. Not the version of yourself you've cleaned up for company, but the actual contents of your heart.

This is both a relief and a real challenge because honestly? I tend to bring God the edited, error-free version of my emotions. The draft I’ve already reviewed and revised. As if the raw, unresolved material might be too much for Him.

Warren pushes back on this gently. He walks through the friendships God had with people in Scripture, and non of them were built on perfection. They were built on disclosure; on daring to be direct.

Abraham bargained with God over the fate of Sodom- persistently pressing and pushing, talking Him down from fifty righteous people to ten. That kind of boldness could look like audacity but God received it as relationship. David cried out with accusations and anguish, and what sometimes sounds like a straight-up complaint. Jeremiah vented. Job, raw, real, relentless Job, said everything he was feeling out loud.

And then God defended him for it.

“You haven’t been honest either with me or about me, not the way my friend Job has… My friend Job will now pray for you and I will accept his prayer.” (Job 427b)

My friend Job. That phrase gives me the chills every time. It tells me that honesty isn’t a lack of reverence. Warren puts it like this, “What may appear as audacity God views as authenticity.”

So I’ve been sitting with this searching question: am I protecting God from my real heart? Or am I letting Him search it? (Psalm 139:23-24)

The Hidden Rift

Warren presses further here in a way that feels uncomfortably accurate. He says many of us carry a hidden hurt or anger toward God- especially in the places where we feel cheated, confused , or let down. Even when God wasn’t the cause of our pain, we can find ourselves quietly pinning it on Him anyway.

He references what William Backus called “your hidden rift with God.” And when I heard that phrase, something in me recognized it; naming something deep down without having to explain it.

Sometimes the distance isn’t really about doubt. Sometimes we’re still showing up, still praying, still reading, still pressing through the motions, but something underneath is closed off. Silently offended, and until we name it out loud, it just stays there, nestled in the silence of it all.

Warren’s answer is daring and brave and beautifully simplistic: tell God exactly how you feel. Job did. David did. Jeremiah did. And to help us learn how, God provided us the Psalms, what Warren describes as a worship manual full of ranting and wrestling, of doubt and deep longing, of fear alongside faith.

This reframed worship for me. It’s not performing or pretending. It’s bringing everything, including the parts that aren’t find, into God’s presence.

“I pour out my complaints before him an tell him all my troubles. For I am overwhelmed.”

(Psalm 142:2-3a)

The most honest prayers might be the ones I’ve been most afraid to pray.

Obedience: The Language of Trust

From honesty, Warren moves to obedience. Not reluctant, rigid, gritted-teeth compliance but the kind that flows freely from trust.

He writes that every time we choose to do what God asks, even when we don’t fully understand why, we deepen the friendship. Jesus says it directly:

“You are my friends if you do what I command.” (John 15:14)

Warren adds something I found meaningful: when Jesus called His disciples “friends,” the word could point to the “friends of the king” in a royal court. Intimate, yes, but equals. There’s closeness here, and there’s also a certain reverence. We follow someone wiser and greater than ourselves, and that’s not something to push against. It’s something we can peacefully rest in.

What makes obedience feel possible is that we’re not doing it out of fear or forced duty. We do it because we love Him and trust His heart. Love doesn’t linger or look for loopholes. When Jesus asks us to serve others, forgive feely, stay faithful, and bring people to Him- love just moves.

“Remain in my love… When you obey me, you remain in my love… I have told you this so that you will be filled with joy. Yes, your joy will overflow.” (John 15:9-11)

Small Obedience, Big Pleasure

One of the parts of this chapter I keep coming back to is Warren’s focus on small, silent, steady obedience. The kind that no one else sees. He says God is often most pleased by the private, patient yeses that never earn any applause.

“What pleases the LORD more: burnt offerings and sacrifices or obedience to his voice? It is better to obey than to sacrifice.” (1 Samuel 15:22)

And then he points to something that redefines spiritual success for me. When Jesus was baptized , the Father said:

“This is my beloved Son, and I am fully please with him.” (Matthew 3:17)

At that point, Jesus hadn’t performed a single public miracle. No sermons. No crowds. Warren notes the Bible summarizes thirty years of Jesus’ life with just two words: “lived obediently.” (Luke 2:51)

Thirty year. Two words. And the Father was fully pleased.

This changes how I think about faithfulness. The quiet, consistent, unseen kind carries real weight. Small and steady steps matter. Maybe more than the rest.

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Caring About What God Cares About

Warren then says something that feels like a natural extension of any real relationship: the closer we get to God, the more our concerns begin to converge with His. We begin to carry what He carries. We grieve what grieves Him. We feel what He feels for the forgotten and far-off people around us.

What matters most to God? Warren makes it plain: the redemption of His people. Every lost child found and finally brought home.

Friendship with God is about shared calling and concern. The people around me matter to God, so they have to start mattering more ti me. Warren puts is plainly: “Friends of God tell their friends about God.” Love doesn’t lock away what it’s been given. Love liberates it.

Desire: The Fire That Brings Me Close

At the heart of the chapter is the peiece everything else depends on: desire. A deep, driving desire to know God. Warren says we have to what friendship with Him more than anything else. He points to David as the picture of what that looks like.

“The thing I seek most of all is the privilege of meditating in his Temple… living in his presence every day of my life…” (Psalm 63:3)

“Your love means more than life to me.” (Psalm 63:3)

That’s the level of longing that can feel farm from where I am. However, Warren is honest, he says: we pursue what we prize most. We protect time for what we truly treasure. And the gap between where I am and where David was isn’t a reason for shame- it’s a starting point for friendship.

He also says God isn’t offended when we wrestle with Him. Wrestling requires contact. It means you’re still reaching, still in the room. Even Paul talked about a “determined purpose” to know Christ deeply (Philippians 3:10) an active, alive pursuit, not a passive wish.

If the desire isn’t there yet, Warren says to pray for it. Ask God for passion to keep asking. He also says something I needed to hear: if we’re just going through the motions, because He’s pursuing us C.S. Lewis called pain God’s megaphone. God isn’t mad at us. He’s mad about us.

“ When you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” (Jeremiah 29:13)

Choosing to Come Close

As I sit with everything this chapter stirred up, one truth keeps rising to the surface: I really am as close to God as I choose to be. As an open and available invitation. Intimacy with God isn’t locked behind some spiritual level I haven’t been able to reach yet. It’s right here, right now, waiting on my response.

“Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you.” (James 4:8a)

Not “draw close and maybe he’ll respond.” Draw close - and He will. There’s something so steadying and sure about that promise. He’s already leaning in , longing for us to lean in too.

So the question I’m carrying with me is: What will drawing close actually look like day to day? Not just as an intention, but as a practice. What will I decide when I’m distracted? When I’m drained? When I feel disconnected and prayer feels flat?

I want my answer to be more than emotional. I want it to be a movement.

Today I’m choosing to come close and come clean, without dressing up my prayers, without polishing my heart before I bring it to Him. I’m choosing to tell Him where I am, where I want to be, and what’s standing in between. I’m deciding to approach Him boldly and confidently, the way Hebrews describes. Trusting that what I’ll find at His throne is exactly what I need: mercy and grace, right on time.

This reflection is part of my 40-day journey through The Purpose Driven Life. You can explore the full series here → Purpose Driven Life Hub